7 Ways to Help Your Child Feel More Confident at School
We officially made it through the full week of first grade!
While a lot of kids have already been back in school for a few weeks, we're just getting started over here. And if there's one thing I’ve been thinking about lately, it’s how much of back-to-school has nothing to do with backpacks, lunchboxes or school supplies.
It’s the confidence to walk into a new classroom, meet a new teacher, find your place with friends, and speak up when something doesn’t feel right. And remind yourself, I can do this, even when you're a little nervous.
Mia was really excited about starting first grade this year, but she was nervous too. Her school hired a new first grade teacher, so she wasn’t going to have the teacher she had been expecting. We talked a lot about how both things could be true, she could be excited about first grade and still feel nervous about something being different than she expected.
And that's exactly what I want confidence to look like for my girls. Not never feeling nervous or unsure, but knowing they can handle those feelings when they come.
So whether your child started school yesterday or has already been back for a month, here are seven little ways we can help them feel more confident as they settle into the school year.
1. Give them ownership over their school routine
One thing I’ve noticed with Mia is how much she loves having a say in the things that are hers.
Before school started, that looked like letting her pick out her backpack, lunchbox, shoes and uniforms. Now, it can be something as simple as choosing her snack, helping pack her backpack or picking out what she wants to wear the night before.
They’re little decisions, but they give our kids a chance to think, I’ve got this. And every time we give them an opportunity to do something for themselves, we're showing them that we believe they can.
2. Make space for all their feelings
Excited. Nervous. Happy. Unsure. Sometimes all of the above.
Mia was so excited to start first grade, but she was also nervous about having a new teacher. Instead of trying to talk her out of being nervous, we talked about why she felt that way.
I reminded her that she would still have friends and familiar faces in her classroom, and that something being different doesn’t mean it won’t be good.
I want my girls to know they don’t have to stop feeling nervous in order to feel confident. Sometimes you can be nervous and do the thing anyway.
3. Remind them of what they’ve already done
When something feels hard or new, remind your child of another time they felt that way and made it through.
Remember when you were nervous about that? Look at you now.
Our kids don't always recognize their own growth. Sometimes we have to remind them just how much they've already done. And I love this because instead of only telling them, “You can do it,” we can show them: You already have.
4. Give them the words to use when things get hard
This one is especially important to me this year. After some of the bullying Mia experienced last year, we’ve had a lot of conversations about standing up for herself respectfully, telling someone when something happens and not allowing anyone else to steal her joy.
We’ve practiced simple things she can actually say: “Please stop.” “I don’t like that.” “Don't speak to me that way!"
I don’t want her going to school expecting something bad to happen. I just want her to know that if something doesn’t feel right, she has a voice and she can use it.
5. Speak confidence over them
You already knew affirmations were going to make this list! I’ve been saying affirmations with Mia since she was two, and I’ve seen her use those same words to encourage herself when something feels hard.
It doesn’t have to be complicated. I am brave. I am kind. I can do hard things. I can ask for help. I can be myself.
Say them on the way to school. Put one on the bathroom mirror. Slip one into their lunchbox.
It’s actually why I created our Kids & Confidence Affirmation Stickies. We can’t be beside our kids in the classroom, on the playground or at the lunch table, but we can send a little reminder with them.
6. Celebrate more than grades
Of course I want Mia to do well academically, but there are so many other wins I want to celebrate too. Making a new friend, raising her hand, trying again after getting something wrong, standing up for herself, and being kind to someone else.
Those moments matter.
So instead of only asking, “How did you do on your test?” I also want to know, “What are you proud of yourself for today?”
That’s the stuff I want her to notice about herself too.
7. Give them time to find their rhythm
The first day gets so much attention, but adjusting to a new school year doesn't happen in one day. It can take time to get comfortable with a new teacher, settle into a routine, figure out friendships and get used to everything that comes with a new grade.
So if your child has been back in school for a month and things still don't feel completely settled, that's okay. Mia is only in her first full week of first grade, and I’m reminding myself of this too. We have a whole school year ahead of us. Everything doesn't have to click right away.
I just want her to know that whatever comes up, we can talk about it, work through it and figure it out together.
A Little Reminder Before You Go 💕
Our kids don't need to walk into school feeling confident every single day. There will be nervous days, hard days and days when they need a little extra encouragement from us.
We just want to keep giving them the tools, the words and the reminders they need to believe in themselves.
And on the days they forget just how capable they are, we’ll be right there to remind them. 💕
Confidence Note of the Week
I can be nervous and still be brave.
A little reminder for our kids (and maybe us moms too 😉): being brave doesn’t mean you’re never nervous. Sometimes it just means doing it anyway.
